I forgot to write in last post,today was the first day of going back to my original school and completing my degree. At least it was supposed to be. I couldn't even handle making a phone call there. The guy was speaking in breakneck speed. I don't know, maybe I should laugh, but wow, is this...pervasive. I mean it's become apparent that a large percentage of the population is within this group. And I don't get it. It's not nice? Good Lord. There are child molesters out there. I don't know why that always comes to mind, but if you want to talk about unsavory people, they are definitely out there, but apparently I'm an ideal example of something to ridicule and abuse. Of a bad person. I realize that I'm just feeding it at this point, but you know what I don't care....
The sad part about this whole thing is it does make you paranoid, whether you want to be or not, it forces you, literally. All those small experiences and they want you to freak out, it seems. I feel perhaps the freaking out part is vindicating, or somehow proves, that you deserve to go through this. Philosophy 101 just barely peeking out here. You must be something that deserves to go through this, because, you are going through this. I've read it explained much better. If you weren't , they would be wrong: and that's just not a possible part of the equation, therefore, you are it.
For anyone else who may read this and go through similar, if you have mental slowdown, something that seems to be helping is an EC stack: ephedrine + caffeine. Check out www.drumlib.com for very helpful info.
I hope you are doing better than I am, if anyone's reading this.
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